I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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