I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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