I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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