what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
