I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Say something about gay babies.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
