I think I am morally bankrupt
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
