you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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