Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
