You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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