My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I want a musical about memes.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
