I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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