I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
