He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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