did you get engaged???
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
