Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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