Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
