sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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