I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
