New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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