I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.