What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.