There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.