Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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