I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
