we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
