It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
