I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
