Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
