i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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