all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
