I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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