haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
