I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
