He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
