you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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