College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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