I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
