Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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