So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
