i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
