I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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