Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
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She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You left your phone here
Wait...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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