He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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