If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
