Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
