how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
