I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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