You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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