Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
