you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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