um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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