I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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