I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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