btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
