My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
