Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
