she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
