He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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