I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
