I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
