Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
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He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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