does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
