well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
