I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
