honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
