Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize