So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
