idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
