Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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