You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't deserve a penis
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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